1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: “So how’s your wife & my kids?”
2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne: As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him
he had Been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. “Looks like you spent it eating,” Cullinan retorted.
3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes): “Brandes, why are you so fat?” Eddo Brandes:”Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit”
4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes: During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he
played & missed:”You can’t f**king bat“. Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the
boundary: “Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can’t f**king bat & you can’t f**king bowl.”
5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad: During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus
conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: “Tickets please“, Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards: During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn’t
say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. “This is my island, my culture. Don’t you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl.” Merv didn’t reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: “In my culture we just say f**k off.”
7. And of course you can’t forget Ian Healy’s legendary comment that was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney… “You don’t get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!”
8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark
Waugh…….. MW : “F*ck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there’s no way you’re good enough to play for England” JO : “Maybe not, but at least i’m the best player in my family”
9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: “So what does Brian Lara’s d*ck taste like?”
Sarwan: “I don’t know. Ask your wife.”
McGrath (losing it): “If you ever F*&king mention my wife again, I’ll F*ing rip your F*fing throat out.”
10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - “Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t then, you’re fu*king useless now”.Parore- (Turning around) “Yeah, that’s me & when I was there you were going out with that old,
ugly sl*t & now I hear you’ve married her. You dumb c*nt”.
11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna
Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive.
Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, “Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it.”
12. Ravi shastri v/s the aussie 12th man (don’t remember who, and don’t want to slander
anyone) shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single…this guy gets the ball in and says “if you leave the crease i’ll break your f***ing head” Shastri: “if you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn’t be the f***ing 12th
man”
13. Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of
times. Marshall: “Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?”
14. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip,and right between Raman Subba Row’s legs. Fred doesn’t say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. “I should’ve kept my legs together, Fred”. “So should your mother” he replied.
15. Sunil Gavaskar (India) and Viv Richards (West Indies)
To ease the pressure on himself, Sunil Gavaskar had decided to come lower down the order and bat at No 4 for that particular match. But, Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2. Viv Richards said “Man, it don’t matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero.”
16. Denis Lillee and Mike Gatting - Australian pace bowler Lillee stopped on his run up to Gatting in the opening match on England’s 1994-95 tour to deliver the immortal: “Hell, Gatt, move out of the way. I can't see the stumps.”
17. Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock - After beating the bat with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: "It's red, round & weighs about 5 ounces." Ponting hammered the next ball out of the ground and retorted: "You know what it looks like, now go find it."
18. Sachin Tendulkar Vs Abdul Qadir - The year was 1989, the little master had recently made his debut in Pakistan. Sachin not even old enough to get a driving licence Sachin Tendulkar was facing the best bowlers in the business. As the Pakistani crows jeered and mocked Sachin holding out the placards saying "" Dudh Pita Bhachcha ..ghar jaake dhoodh pee", (hey kid, go home and drink milk), Sachin sent the then young leg spinner Mustaq Ahmed hiding for cover (he had hit two sixes in one over. The frustrated mentor of Mustaq Ahmed the legendary Abdul Qadir challenges Sachin saying " Bachchon ko kyon mar rahe ho? Hamein bhi maar dikhao` (`Why are you hitting kids? Try and hit me.`).
Sachin was silent, since then we all have come to know that he lets his bat do the talking. Abdul Quadir had made a simple request and Sachin obliged, and how. Sachin hit 4 sixes in the over, making the spinner look the kid in the contest. The over read 6, 0, 4, 6 6 6, David had felled Goliath ... and a legend was born.
