Physical Fitness
THIS HEADQUARTERS REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM.
Everyone here gets enough exercise:
1. Jumping to conclusions;
2. Flying off the handle;
3. Carrying things too far;
4. Dodging responsibilities; and
5. Pushing their luck.
Fighter Pilots
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet
engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
The General and the shredder....
A young officer is working late at the Pentagon one evening. As
he comes out of his office about 8 P.M. he sees the General
standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a
piece of paper in his hand.
"Do you know how to work this thing?" the General asks. "My
secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."
"Yes, sir," says the young officer, who turns on the machine,
takes the paper from the General, and feeds it in.
"Now," says the General, "I just need one copy..."
The Unlucky Airman
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule
Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive
to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.
The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in
arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow
in getting the tank pumped out.
When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and
promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no
stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I
am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to
do to punish me?"
There was this General-in-training , and his superiors were
asking him questions
"What happened on June 6, 1944?"
"We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as
D-Day, sir!"
"What was the turning point of world war 2?"
"Battle of the bulge, sir!"
"What's is the importance of May 12" The Man thought and thought
"I don't know, sir!"
The superior then said "Well, I'll tell your wife that you
forgot her birthday"
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel
was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.
Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the
phone,
told the airman to enter, then said into the phone,
"Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass
along your message.
In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young
enlisted man,
he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to
hook up your telephone."
Time
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field
and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the
control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What
time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the
little hand
is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and
120 minutes to "Happy Hour."
Change
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer!
Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
