Ten Chinese Fortune Cookies to End 2009

1. Recessions come and go, but being unemployed can last forever.

2. Now that you have your finances in order, guess who’s coming to dinner? Yep, your friendly IRS agent.

3. Time for a bit of moderation. Drink less. Eat less. Think less.

4. Have a ball this New Years. Preferably, have a beach ball. Come on, it’s more fun in the sun.

5. You are about to have an affair with a beautiful woman. Time to increase your life insurance policy.

6. Wall Street hollers, “Show Me the Money.” You holler, “I’ve got no money to show.”

7. You are going to take a long trip to an exotic location. Of course, you’ll probably get food poisoning along the way.

8. Plan to retire this year. In other words, “You’re fired!”

9. Time to clip your toenails. After all, they’re already six inches long.

10. Do not play Auld Lang Syne with your armpits. Grow up for a change.